You will be found.

There is a huge, raw vulnerability that comes with falling for a kid whom a county could simply decide isn't right for your home and vice versa... we've fallen for kids who go back to their parents, and I cannot explain the excruciating pain of releasing a child to someone who allowed their teeth to rot and allowed them to live in filth with no food and no clothing. I wish it on no one. I cannot say that it isn't worth it, but if you're not up for that pain and up for opening your heart anyway because it's what the kids need, then maybe think twice about fostering. I still carry photos of those boys in my phone. I probably always will.

I fell for Lucas the first weekend he was with us.

It was the Monday after his very first weekend with us. I was driving home from work, exploring some of the new Broadway albums on youtube. This song suckerpunched me, and I was ugly crying 30 seconds in. It became his song to me, though he's never heard it (and he won't until I can make it through without bawling).

"You Will Be Found" from Dear Evan Hansen 

^^^ Youtube link - click to hear it ^^^

Have you ever felt like nobody was there?
Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?
Have you ever felt like you could disappear?
Like you could fall, and no one would hear?

Well, let that lonely feeling wash away
Maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay
'Cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand
You can reach, reach out your hand

And oh, someone will coming running
And I know, they'll take you home

Even when the dark comes crashing through
When you need a friend to carry you
And when you're broken on the ground
You will be found

So let the sun come streaming in
'Cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again
Lift your head and look around
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found