Growth charting

On the first day he came to us, he refused to acknowledge any bad choice or mistake he made. He would blame it on someone or something else - whatever and whoever was nearby.

*note: I really need to come up with a name to use here. Leaving him without a name feels like an injustice... he has been nameless for so long.  I will decide on one before my next entry.*

My first inclination was to argue and make him acknowledge and take responsibility for his actions, but then I stopped to think.

Every single time he has acted out or inappropriately in any way, there has always been a trauma root to the behavior.

I let it go, and I asked him later why he did it.

He thought a while, and then he told me that if he said he did it, he would definitely be in trouble and get punished. If he said he didn't, maybe I'd believe him and he wouldn't get punished at all.

I asked him what "punished" looks like. In his ridiculously articulate, sage way, he told me that he didn't know, and that was the problem. "I don't know you guys yet, you know?"

I explained that honesty always works better in our house, and that I will always respect him more for owning his mistakes when he makes them.

Ever since, for the smallest thing, he says, "Oh, sorry - I got distracted," or, "I didn't realize it was so breakable." He owns it every single time. Hell, he's better at the whole concept than I am at this point. We take a moment each and every time to thank him for his honesty. On the tougher ones where there might actually be a chance of a consequence, we tell him how proud we are of him for taking a chance and thank him for trusting us to not hurt him when he makes a bad choice.

I am stunned at how willing he is. A kid who, I am told, never so much as allowed anyone to touch his shoulder will now jump into my lap or throw his arms around me spontaneously when I walk in from work. He has suffered so much and yet is so resilient.

I teach kids who have given up. He has not. I intend to do whatever it takes to keep it that way.