Nervewracking.

We had a permanency hearing today. The judge ruled to keep him in care in our home.

We are officially a pre-adoptive placement.

The next step is to pursue termination of parental rights. This all depends on whether or not his biological mother follows the plan set out for her. I cannot put any details here, but suffice it to say that she has not done so to this point.

We sat there, flanking him, listening to the testimony of the caseworker. I didn't know if we would be called up or if he would... and though we have not done anything to merit losing him, that room was so stressful. The judge was soft-spoken and kind to everyone involved (and complimented Lucas on the sharpness of his bow tie), and he even allowed more interruptions than I would have ever expected, but I still held my breath. I wish I could trust the system, but the people are so overworked and underpaid, manipulated and lied to daily... it creates a situation in which kids can fall through the cracks. I don't want him to be one of them.

The next hearing is at the beginning of July. I'm hoping that by then, Independence Day will take on a whole new meaning.