Breakfast drama.

Child: I can't wait to have pop tarts for breakfast.

Adult: [remembers that pop tarts are not a full meal gig in this house; quietly texts wife to confirm that nothing has changed in this respect. Wife replies that this is still so.]

Adult: Sorry, dude - pop tarts are for a snack or something to go with your lunch. They're never a full breakfast in our house. That hasn't changed.

Child: [whining] What? What do you mean? Why do you buy them if I can't eat them? This is so stupid! [flops down on sofa]

Adult: do you want a bagel with cream cheese?

Child: No! I'm not eating!

[Adult texts wife, who replies that she should just send him with oatmeal to daycare. Adult takes out oatmeal and begins to prepare it in a tupperware container]

Child: What are you doing?

Adult: I'm making oatmeal for you to take with you.

Child: I'm not eating it. It's going to go to waste.

[wife asks to speak to child on the phone. Child whines unintelligibly from the other room]

Child: Fine. I'll eat a bagel.

Adult: I've already made the oatmeal at this point. You kind of missed your chance.

[Child rants all over again. Ample use of the word "stupid']

Adult: I'm not debating with  you. I need to get ready. It's on the table.

[Adult retreats to the bathroom for makeup/hair routine. Five minutes pass.]

Child, calling from kitchen: Ugh! I wish I didn't change my mind so much all the time!

Child, after getting no reply: UGH! I WISH I DIDN'T CHANGE MY MIND SO MUCH ALL THE TIME!

Adult, returning to kitchen: Please don't shout through the house. What do you need?

Child: I wish I didn't change my mind so much all the time. [looks pointedly at the container of oatmeal]

Adult: Just eat it if you want to eat it. It will taste better warm anyway.

[child sits down at table, grabs plastic spoon from the top of the container, and plows through the oatmeal like he has not eaten in a week]

[Adult shakes head and returns to the bathroom]


FIN.