For Next Week.

This has been floating around in my head for a while. It was time to finally put it down on a page.

For H, on Adoption Day

a year ago

we met in a parking lot

you buckled yourself in

gave us a forced jack-o-lantern smile

too big for your pale small face.

it was winter.

it would be weeks before

you would begin to thaw.

every night I read to you

when you fell asleep with your head in my lap

I stayed till every limb tingled

I wondered if you had ever before felt safe,

felt full.

a year passed as

Harry Potter

saved the stone

found the chamber

fought dementors

faced dark hearted grownups

you saw yourself

in the boy who lived

the boy in the cupboard

hungry

nonfitting hand me downs

he too did not tell lies

even when everyone insisted

that he did

punishing him

for his truth

you are the boy who lived.

today in the driveway
five inches taller

you buckle yourself in

you wear a bow tie

and a real smile.

we adopt you

and a magic most ancient

most powerful

runs through you,

times two.

it has transformed you.

the boy who lived has become,

once and for all,

the chosen one.

Almost there.

I know I've been quiet.

The home study process goes on forever, and I'm pretty sure that ten to twenty very large trees died so that we could complete all of the necessary paperwork.

After 13 months with us, the adoption hearing has been scheduled for next week... close enough that I can look ahead on my phone and check the weather forecast.

I keep oscillating between reflective and giddy.

He is more than ready... and so are we.

Expecto Patronum

Legal things are quiet and legal-y. Hopefully soon I will have news I can post here.

He lost some screen time after making a few less than stellar choices (nothing dangerous or horrible - age appropriate rule testing). In attempt to alleviate the boredom, he rediscovered the Tinkertoys that have sat untouched in his closet for a full six months. He built an American ninja warrior course, became weary of it, and began brandishing one of the longest Tinkertoy sticks as what I first thought was a sword.

Suddenly, holding it in front of him, he shouts, "EXPECTO PATRONUUUUUUM!

"Mom, you know how you have to have a happy thought for that to work?"
"Yep..."
"Mine is you guys adopting me."

Firsts.

It's been forever. It wasn't for lack of things to say... I just can't legally say them.

While I was away here, the TPR (termination of parental rights) was granted. Lucas is now in the sole legal and physical custody of the county, with some decision making rights given to us by the judge.

His birthday is coming up, too. I thought he would have a gift list a mile long, but he doesn't. There were a couple of things that he has asked for. What he is really excited about is the cake.

He is turning ten and has never had a birthday cake.

I told this to my mother, and she is on the job.

These things are so sacred to her that it would not surprise me if the woman comes out with a tiered cake tomorrow with Link working his way up the levels to save Princess Zelda at the top.

My sister and her family met us at the trampoline park. Her first born is a couple years younger than Lucas. They've met only a couple times because they live two hours from us. My parents, my sister's family, Lucas, and I went to dinner afterward. On the way home, he announced it had been pretty much the best day of his life.

He is tossing and turning, unable to sleep in anticipation of tomorrow. I'm heading up to read to him in hopes that it will calm his head.

"Mom, I used to think that you were mad at me a lot, but now I realize that's just your face."

Um

thanks?

The Differences.

Our dentist, whom we pay out of pocket for Lucas, emphatically told us that Lucas needs to be evaluated for early orthodontic intervention because of the condition of his teeth.

We made an appointment at the only orthodontist within 50 miles that takes the "insurance" provided to foster children by the state. A week later, we went in.  They took x-rays that they did not need to take only to pat me on the head and tell me that with cases like this, they like to wait until the kids are older, and then they can do it all at once. It will be easier and less of a nuisance to him, he said.

Let's review that. Cases like this.

That would be cases like this, for which the state doesn't ever actually pay for stage 1 care (in which a child's permanent teeth have not yet forced out all of the baby teeth).  Charity cases. Cases in which they expect to have no follow through and no payment.

I left feeling too stunned to even react.

We scheduled an appointment with another orthodontist in the area. As suspected, they do not even submit to the insurance provided for foster children. I let the receptionist know that regardless of what the state does or does not do, we are providing for this child and will pay out of pocket if necessary.

The orthodontist looks at the existing x-rays provided by our primary dentist, looks in Lucas's mouth and immediately identifies exactly what has been causing him pain. He explains the process of palate expansion using a retainer and how it will be especially helpful for Lucas because it will also prevent the bruising caused by his bottom teeth due to overbite and may ease nighttime grinding. They explain the financials, take molds and photos, and we are on our way.

I will not publicly call out by name the first orthodontic office for its callous treatment. I will only say that at the second, Lucas was treated like a child rather than a liability or a debt.

I don't know at whom I should be the most pissed - the professionals who treat my kid like a thorn, or the state that has created a system in which professionals who try to work with the system never actually get paid. Both? The whole thing sucks. I'm thankful that at least most of it sails right over Lucas's head.

I'm also thankful that, when they are patronizing and plastic-faced, I have the self control to not completely flip out. The only way to keep things like this from affecting Lucas are for him to never be filled in on the fact that they're happening.

He deserves better.

Wanderings.

My wife took Lucas and my daughter to the amusement park today. He is a few months shy of ten years old and has never been to one.

We have a permanency hearing tomorrow. I don't expect anything to go awry, but my stomach flops every single time we have to step into a courtroom. I'm hoping that maybe we will leave with a date for a Termination of Parental Rights hearing. Thirty days from whenever that happens, we can adopt.

I'm focusing on breathing and trying not to stress. He stresses enough for all of us, and freaking him out further is not an option.